My Journey Dealing with Fear and Anxiety

I have been typing things and deleting them for the last 10 minutes because this topic is one that is extremely vulnerable for me to talk about. It's not something I take lightly and a topic that only a few very close to me know how deeply I struggle with. I've had this blog post in my drafts for the last couple weeks. It's something that I've been putting off sharing, but tonight I was given a couple signs that I needed to.

I have been struggling with fear and anxiety my whole life. Some seasons of life it was small but the past year of my life I have experienced the two in a way I have never before. I have a very serious fear of dying- me dying, someone close to me dying- it doesn't matter. Ever since I was little, I've always hated the idea of dying, something that no one person can control. Don't we all hate it? I mean no one really likes to think about that. The last year that fear has controlled so much of my life and has developed into full blown anxiety.

On New Years Day my family and I were almost in a fatal accident. We were going 75 on a road when a car in the other lane going the same speed swerved into our lane and drove head on towards us. If it weren't for the driver being alert and there being enough shoulder to swerve onto, I don't know if I would be here. That may sound dramatic, but it was truly the scariest moment of my life so far.

Over this past semester I have spent more days living in fear and my mind being held captive with anxious thoughts than I have at peace and let me tell you, it is one of the worst feelings in the world. We are not meant to live in fear and anxiety is not of the Lord, I know that and I believe that; but that also doesn't mean that it magically disappears. Our weak points is the devil's playground and I have seen him try to get at me time and time again this semester. The last couple weeks have been super bad and I have found myself on the floor or sitting in my car bawling at how fearful I am. It's heartbreaking to see the joy being clouded with fear and being fully terrified of what could happen. I follow a few Christian influencers on Instagram and today two of them posted about dealing with anxiety (coincidence??). One of them ended her caption with this:

But please don't accept anxiety as your forever reality. It's not your identity. It's something you're moving through but it is not part of you. -Jordan Lee Dooley

I needed to read that today. Another lady I follow talked about being unashamed to talk about it. It has been so hard for me to talk about what I'm feeling and going through because I don't quite understand it myself. I am not choosing to have these thoughts and fears, and I was embarrassed and nervous for what people may say or think of me; but, again thats the devil.

While I still continue to struggle and deal with this, I have been working on finding ways to help cope and get past it. Disclaimer: There is a difference between dealing with chronic anxiety and getting anxious every now and then. Everyone has experienced some form of anxiety in their life and I'm not discounting that! But if you do struggle with chronic anxiety here are some things that may help.

1. Get help! Whether that is a doctor or therapist, it's important to talk to someone. I have been seeing a counselor for 2 years now and have been to the doctor for my anxiety and it really is so important! I LOVE my counselor. She has helped me so much and I truly believe that everyone should see someone if they can. Everyone is different and some cases are way more severe than others, but that doesn't mean you should dismiss what you're feeling and going through.

2. Cut out things that trigger your anxiety. I used to never be one to really care about the music I listen to or the things I watch on TV but they really do effect what you're putting into your mind. I cut out watching shows/movies and listening to music that is going to trigger my anxiety. It may sound ridiculous, but it really does help. Let me tell you, the mind is a powerful thing and it's important to recognize what were letting into our minds!

3. Pray. I am a Jesus believer and I recognize that maybe not everyone reading this is, but personally prayer and worship has helped me so much. The power of prayer is real people! Like I said earlier, it doesn't magically go away but we aren't meant to go through this life on our own. Our God defeated death and we aren't meant to dwell on it or live in fear of it. Praying and proclaiming the power of the Holy Spirit over your life and mind has a lot of power in it. Also have people pray for you and over you!

Below are a few verses that have really helped me and a few worship songs! I know my platform may be small, but I really felt led to share my story. If you need someone to talk to please don't be afraid to reach out to me! I'm still very much dealing with it and some days are a lot better than others, but it's important to have people around you!

Verses: John 14:27, Psalm 94:19, Psalm 34:4, 1 Peter 5:7, Matthew 6:25-34

Worship songs: Be Okay by ZOE Worship, Not Afraid by MSC, Every Little Thing by Hillsong Worship, Unknown by MSC, No Longer Slaves by Bethel Music.